Its time to enjoy, embark in the new,
with actions of love and craze.
No thoughts to second guess what we do,
of loving life in these days.

Pushing away the vibes that hold us down,
free your hands and let grow,
to witness the beauty that’s all around,
and let it through you forever flow.

Nyalic

In the recent past, I’ve been involved in some conversations about largely various and vastly interesting subjects. Those included quantum physics and quantum mechanics, our known universe’s origins, fate opposing the choice of a destiny, religious views, and of course, politics. With these discussions, I’ve come to a decision I needed to make for quite some time. I believe that each and every human mind is incredibly complex. We’ve discovered patterns in certain areas of the brain observable via measuring electrical signal strength and frequency in these areas, but this is only the tip of the iceberg. I am astounded at the seemingly limitless capabilities of the human mind. My decision, although it seems rather simple in design, is as unique as each individual. I will never cease to push my mind to its absolute limits. I honestly believe that I’ll never find those limits, and that if somehow I were to do so one day, it would serve as a bit of a reward for my efforts.

I am not, however, trusting to hope with this idea. Surgically complex methods of breaking down the whole of an issue into manageable parts, analyzing them, and re-building the issue accompanied with a resolution will be utilized as a method for problem solving. This generates knowledge within the mind.

People learn from their mistakes. We also learn from our successes. The reality is, we learn from every second and every fleeting moment of our existence. I am alive, therefore I learn. I learn, therefore I grow. This brings my discussion to the point of failure, as it applies to the learning process. I have witnessed time and again the tragedy that is the person who did not stand up after getting knocked down, the one that quit just before reaching the top, the person that let go and fell because they stopped believing in themselves. Each and every time, without a single instance of deviation, success was knocking at the door, just one more step, one more reach above the head, one more mile, one more trial, another breath, another friendly and encouraging word, another try, and another chance beyond.

My decision is to get up – every single time. I know I am capable and that the sole reason for many failures in my past has been my choices. If I can see (with my mind’s eye, not the optical sensory organ alone) some of these things, I can begin to understand them. However, the leap of faith here is to make choices that I cannot necessarily see at times. This is where I have faltered in the past. This is where I will succeed in the future. We must all combat fear. My choice is to build the tools necessary to beat it at will.

Afraid

What do you think when youre alone in the dark
of no more sunny days and picnics in in the park?
I can feel you fading, into the hole where i used to be
I didnt do enough when the signs I could see
I know where youre going and its going to hurt
It scares me to think where you are and how youll feel
You arent there anymore, you eyes are empty
Your mind is black and you might not be back
Every thought is up to you.
You will choose to live or die,
in the coldest and blackest place in your mind
You will be challenged in every way
You will have to fight every single day
Im so sorry that i cant be there with you
Im so sorry that you have to feel the hell that you do
Please fight i promise it will get better
Please dont give up

When it leads me

Where it drives me

Then it pulls me

Even withdraws me

My heart is in almost utter control, but I am unafraid.

I want something; it is yearning

When I need something; it is thirsting

If I think of something; it is pondering

And when I am bold, it will glow with me

Ultimately it is the life force in parallel stride  with the brain

When one wants nothing other than the run away

The other pulls it back to reality.

If the other were to advance on a rampage

The opposite will sane thought encourage.

For this balance I am grateful,

Yet periodically disregarding.

I have found myself listening solely to my passion,

And I have woken to find my logic taking full hold.

It is the times during which is becomes more than necessity that they coincide in decisions

The times when it is apparently obvious that the delicate balance must be maintained and embraced.

<><

“It’s time to start living the life
you’ve imagined” – Henry James

When was the last time you looked a special person in your life in the eye and knew, right then and there, that you would never forget them? True friendship is timeless. I’ve made and lost friends in this lifetime enough to know what a real friend is. You smile together, laugh together, lie together, and cry together. You fight beside them, and try beside them. You live beside them, and you’ll die beside them. There is no question when a person is found that they’ll never again be lost. Some people need a friend. Some are in a state of desperation that may only be resolved through discovery. What if you made it a point to ensure that the person you loved as a friend or life partner knew this without a shred of a doubt? I’ve seen the importance of timing first hand. I’ve seen the look in a person’s eye when life’s purpose was understood – that gleam that is unmistakeable. You can see the guardian angel’s light shine when your friend is pulled from the wreckage and the first face they see is yours. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve seen people who don’t know true friends. The restless, daunting method of staggering through life that they emplore is saddening. It isn’t necessary, either, and everyone needs someone to show them this at times. The point of this writing is to help uncover something that is already inherent in all of us. Show your friends why you call them friends as often and as thoroughly as you are able. That bond may be the most important bond you possess for the rest of your life.

He’ll creep in

As silent as a whisper of wind

You’ll not hear him, as he descends

Into your home without a sound

For he’ll not be leaving

Until what he wants, he’s found

The quiet little thief, no one has known him

For the reason that he belongs to another Kingdom

He has slipped in, and he’ll gently fade out

He’ll have his prize without doubt.

Taking the goods back to his love so precious

Receiving that smile that had seemed so infectious

Even knowing deep within

That stealing is his great Sin

He’ll not give it a second thought

For he now has her love

For which he has longingly fought.

<><

2001

What just happened?

I didn’t mean to fall so hard

It wasn’t intentional

I didn’t mean to let you in so far

I don’t know that I could be caught from this fall.

Because, when you look at me

Everything else in this world disappears.

When you speak to me

My worries fade away, my regrets dissipate

And I know that you’re becoming my Everything.

But how can I keep this from going

Where I know that it is headed

When I don’t desire for it to slow down

Let alone be ended.

<><

March 2009

Once, I saw myself standing

Unafraid, nerves of steel.

Expressing all emotion through song

The gift of music, willing

Even lulling others into my world

Yearning, urging you, encouraging

For all to be in ultimate understanding.

On this platform, LIFE

Seeing through joy, feeling

Through hurt, growing through maturity, necessity

As though through no other way

I am existent

Now pending, my dreams of standing

Are changing, maybe evolving

As steps of living are tripped on

Fallen upon

And finally climbed.

<><

2007

Dear God,

What and where will my life lead?  What will my life ultimately even matter?  Is life just a test to challenge you, to see if you have the guts to prevail over evil stimuli?  I don’t know.  I feel that life is more important than to follow the path of the one in front of you.  To follow the path that will lead to success, but won’t have tested the full boundaries of human will.  What is it that I so search for to accomplish in my life.  Either my will is too important to waste following the average path, or it doesn’t mean anything at all.  I have an uncontrollable urge to see what is out there, to feel what can hurt a human soul the most, and to look pure evil straight in the eye, laugh and say, “You have no idea.”  I want to go to hell and come back.  I want to explain to those who have no idea what pain is, that there is another world out there that has been hiding from you all.  For me, my life is not the ultimate sacrifice, it is not to expose, not to trap the unknown of the human mind.  I want you to test me with the ultimate test of pain.  I want my life to mean something.  I don’t want to waste all that I have been through for nothing.  I don’t want everything that I’ve given up to mean nothing.

Is it really what you want of me?  Is this really what you want me to do?  Or, am I really just crazy?  Or, is it all just a riddle that will take me to the end of my to solve.  Is it love that you want me to feel, is it myself that you want me to overcome?  Do you want to see me break down, do you want me to just give it all up and cry?  What do you want me to sacrifice to show you how serious I am?  I can be your ultimate tool.  I can be anything you want me to be.  Just show me what you want me to do.

And when it is all over, are you just going to look at me and say, “You think too much.  All you ever had to do is what you wanted.”  But, I don’t know what I want.  All I know now is that something amazing has to come of all of this, something never, ever seen before, and I’ll to anything for it.  I’m just looking for someone or something to give all of this to.  I realize my selfish ways, sharing my pain, giving my thoughts to someone that I have to let go.  I just wanted him to understand and to not feel that he had to make everything right – to feel like he had fix everything.  What do you want from me?  It can all start now.

Love, Benjamin Lee Kiesov

Its been awhile since ive been able to actually write in person on the site. I miss it and glad to see that people are really active. Ive still been writing slowly but have no internet access. I am trying to piece together a longer than average writing for my style. I am really pleased with it so far and have exciting (for me) plans for it. I dont have a tittle for it yet, still searching.

The midnight mist brings here the bagpipe’s song
among many to guide the light to an always returning sun
lonely, black, dark, and cold doesnt bring the same meaning now
not used cautiously and casually spoken
not given they full respect they deserve
Those to indulge their pain, those who find themselves in the shadow of darkness make way to the great lakes of fire, teased and tormented by the memory of love only found in the arms of angels.

The somber songs follows until your new soul is born. Here the strong wind, a broken record, always with you to remind of the Hell that consumes your heart and the peace thats never been found. The Wind, here the Wind is the only you can trust. The Wind will tell you where you are and where you could be and where your not.
“Great and powerful wind can you show me what its like? The soft touch of love. Bring me a dream of love that has no end. Tease me of what ive never had. Torment me with the dream i fight so hard to gain.”

Her name was Sarah. Its always “Sarah”. Clenching my hand, it feels as if a dark room is lit up for the first time. The feeling of warmth is always with me but the details seem to fade away Here. Not like they used to. The Wind, my blessing and my curse, the bringer of light and darkness.