Never give in,….Never back down,…..

Never say i give up.

Never quit

Never underestimate the power within.

Look deep inside, even if you think its to deep

find a source,

find that light.

find a way.

Hold your head up high

hold your weapon with pride

for this is war…….

but never forget we are all……

Brothers in Arms.

I was going through my notebook and seen that this writing is a year old almost to the day of which i was reading. I like to date a lot of my things, drawings and the such, any kind of art to see how much i progress.

Valentines 2009
“For some time ive felt something inside of me, something that we all may feel. The true road to being happy and the road to peach within myself. I’ve been searching and searching for this … and have come close to figuring what i must do.
It doesn’t suprise me that it scares me, as most people’s destiny is not easy to obtain. But its definetly something i must do. I feel it in my heart, and it yearns everyday i put it off. For so long Ive been not happy in my soul and have tried over and over to manover my way around it but there is only one path that will take me where i belong and am seeking the guts to start my travels. I feel im very close to starting this trek and am preparing myself mentally for the inevitable road i must face. I feel that i at least know where i must begin, because i think that a lot of people live thier lives through, searching and searching and never finding their way. That is why I must do this, I will regret it for the rest of my life and never obtain the happiness i can only see in my dreams.”

Feb. 13 2010
When I look back apon this I see that I had already started my travels way before I wrote this. This road is a very long one that I think I started a few years before I wrote that. When I lived in Mt. Vernon I let go, and let the chips fall where they may. The way I am today has roots that begins there. Everything seemed harder. It seemed that for every good thing 10 bad things HAD to happen, it was just the way it all worked. You start to search for the bad things in life. This is what my personal Hell is. You’re constantly falling and you don’t know it. You’re dead and you don’t know it. “The real Hell is your life gone wrong.” My way of thinking was very twisted, and needed help to see where I was and learn how to help myself crawl out of the cave I lived in. Easily one of the most important lessons of my life is to see outside myself, to look in, and see the problems that I exibit and and try to change them or live peacefully among them. Living in peace is everything for me, everything else is secondary.

A Soldier.

When you look into your dreams and see your

brothers beside you with a helmet, a gun, trenched

in mud listening to his voice the best you can…

among the gunfire..

you think the sky is falling down.

You know i have achieved alot today. I got my

own apartment…a nice apartment. Its mine. I

got a big screen t.v with surround sound with a

xbox 360….a polar bear rug, full kitchen set.

But you know what i really don’t give a damn.

i got money online in poker…i am just waiting

for my bonus to clear…but i really fucking

dont give a damn…i dont fucking care…I dont give a damn.

But do you know why i don’t give a fucking monkey rats fucking a.s.s(excuse my profanity….i am just writing what i think). It’s because….in life..in life……it don’t mean a damn thing. What means the most to me is my soldiers.

I speak to you in Truth…i Speak to you in volume…..i Speak to you as my brother…..Charles Dustman i speak to you alone as my Brother.

We never see each other but i think…….i think….i wish to know….that it will change very soon…God Willing.

I don’t know much of what to say but you are a good soldier and i would be proud to die for our country in your platoon. If you were to die in my arms….you would achieve the Medal Of Honor my brother. Don’t ever forget our memories…..our words.

I am far from a soldier….The real soldier’s are fighting for our freedoms as we sleep peacefully in our deluxe apartments and vacation sweets. The real soldiers are fighting for our way of being an American…..they are sleeping in harms way in a TENT for God sakes. Keep reading my passages you will soon relize my way of thinking….I give no pity for the rich….i dont worship their money,…they never really deserve it.

You know i have a dream……if i do….if  i do make it in my day.  I am a very great poker player online….and live. Once i take from the rich. I will give it back to the children….i will cherish the America’s poor with toy’s. That is my dream…..and i will live my dream…or die trying.

This is for our SOLDIERS!!!!!!!!

God Bless Everyone

You know….

I am just but a simple man.

I do love…..i do hurt….i do cry…i do feel. When

i write today….i write because there is something

inside of me that tells me to….because i do feel.

I dont write very much nor do i wish to because

i don’t want to….let me put it this way i don’t

want to think when i write i just want to write

what i feel…..do you understand?…….

for i am just a simple man.

It’s always good to think about what u write but

to me it isnt the same. When you pause amongst

yourselves or you think of something smart to

say it doesnt mean didly squat to me for i am

just a simple man.

When you correct yourselves in the appropiate way for knowone to relize you did….i don’t care. When i write i write because i feel like i should write..not for you…but for me.

I am just a simple man that i do care more then the average man…my heart pumps faster….my desire to feel…my desire to accomplish is the same or better.

but still i a am a simple man.

I will love my family…..i will always love my family…i will protect my family…i will DIE…for my family..i will.

I will fight for my country, i will stand up for what’s right..

I will.

But still i am a simple man.

I had a sudden glance or vision as i was riding
to the store. It was like any other ride as my legs

where moving fast as they should but only faster

because i told them to push faster.

Then i stopped….i looked around me and i paused

for a moment….i stopped. I looked up at the sky

only to see our wonderful blue sky we see each day

. I glanced at all the people moving in cars beside

me and I really thought to myself.

God i really love, thank you for all that you have

giving me, my eyes,….my legs,…my arms…my brain

and everything that i have that i take granted for.

Stop and think about yourself. Stop and think for just one second what would life be…..Let’s break it down my men…my brothers…my sisters. What if your brain told you to get up and walk to the fridge….but you didn’t have any legs because they got blown off by a mortar in the moment of war to capture our VERY FREEDOM, or didn’t work no MORE BECAUSE OF CANCER!.

Let’s stop to think if we wanted to lift an object but couldn’t because our arms had to be cut off to save a life?….to save a child in a split second?. Let’s stop and think what would it be like to just THINK of what life would be like to not see the board at school, to not read our assignment at work because we was unfortunate to be born blind.

Lets just stop and think what it would be like not be to able to move. To be parylized from the neck down. Now as i write this it is getting harder and harder to keep the tears from dripping down my eyes….It’s real hard my brothers…it’s real hard everybody to stop and think what u HAVE…..WHAT YOU HAVE!!.

It hurts…..as the tears fall down my eyes my fingers slide up and down this keyboard only to relize that i am ONE LUCKY MOTHER FUCKER!…..and i mean that from the bottom of my heart because i wouldnt have it any other way.

So…..a tear drop down my face…a pause to close my eyes. It’s hard to breathe….but i thank God that i am breathing…..Amen.

Thanks God Bless Everyone.

Right so, as you all may know, today is Veteran’s Day.

In that, knowing that my Grandfather served in the Vietnam War, I called him to express my appreciation for his services. Getting into the conversation of my family that are in the military, my Grandad gave me a bit of history on his side of the family.

In the 1800′s My grandfather’s-mother’s dad (a line I know, I forgot to get his name) was a Calvary Officer for the King of Sweden, after that my Grandfather Christian Schneller (The first generation of Schneller-in my family-to come to the US) served in the Civil War. His son Walter Thomas Schneller served in WWI. Then there was Great (however many times) uncle Bub that fought in the Korean war, Great(x?) Uncle Hance and Wyatt fought in WWII (Under General George Patton, earning themselves both bronze and silver stars). And back to my Grandfather that served in the Vietnam War for three years being awarded the Presidential Citation Award as well as a littering of additional ribbons. Now, immediate family-my father, Tony D. Schneller, is a sergeant first class in the Army, and served in Iraq, and my brother, Christapher,is also in the army. In addition to those, my uncle Ronnie served in Desert Storm and was recently stationed in KosaVo on a 14 month tour.

So, I know I’m not the only one that these lines are long attached, and just wanted to share that our heiritage makes a lot of what we are made of.

Back to the main point: Thank you SO VERY much for all of those who have fought for us, are fighting for us, and will fight for us. Let’s make it a point to express our appreciation on a more regular basis. =)

PS> I most likely did not capitalize or correctly spell some of these military terms/phrases. If you catch these errors, please, with all respect, correct me. Thanks for reading and have a FANTASTIC day!

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Hey everyone, I wanted to ask what the collective thought might be on myself posting the book I have (Work in progress). It could be aggrivating as I’m still writing it and won’t have it all together at one time. But I’ll be aiming at having approximately one chapter for each post; maybe every week or two.

So, this is a way for me to find out your feedback as well as keep myself motivated in the continued writing of it. Let me know what you think and I’ll get posting on what I have done. Thanks everyone!

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ChayNichole

Afraid

What do you think when youre alone in the dark
of no more sunny days and picnics in in the park?
I can feel you fading, into the hole where i used to be
I didnt do enough when the signs I could see
I know where youre going and its going to hurt
It scares me to think where you are and how youll feel
You arent there anymore, you eyes are empty
Your mind is black and you might not be back
Every thought is up to you.
You will choose to live or die,
in the coldest and blackest place in your mind
You will be challenged in every way
You will have to fight every single day
Im so sorry that i cant be there with you
Im so sorry that you have to feel the hell that you do
Please fight i promise it will get better
Please dont give up

Its been awhile since ive been able to actually write in person on the site. I miss it and glad to see that people are really active. Ive still been writing slowly but have no internet access. I am trying to piece together a longer than average writing for my style. I am really pleased with it so far and have exciting (for me) plans for it. I dont have a tittle for it yet, still searching.

The midnight mist brings here the bagpipe’s song
among many to guide the light to an always returning sun
lonely, black, dark, and cold doesnt bring the same meaning now
not used cautiously and casually spoken
not given they full respect they deserve
Those to indulge their pain, those who find themselves in the shadow of darkness make way to the great lakes of fire, teased and tormented by the memory of love only found in the arms of angels.

The somber songs follows until your new soul is born. Here the strong wind, a broken record, always with you to remind of the Hell that consumes your heart and the peace thats never been found. The Wind, here the Wind is the only you can trust. The Wind will tell you where you are and where you could be and where your not.
“Great and powerful wind can you show me what its like? The soft touch of love. Bring me a dream of love that has no end. Tease me of what ive never had. Torment me with the dream i fight so hard to gain.”

Her name was Sarah. Its always “Sarah”. Clenching my hand, it feels as if a dark room is lit up for the first time. The feeling of warmth is always with me but the details seem to fade away Here. Not like they used to. The Wind, my blessing and my curse, the bringer of light and darkness.

So hard to pull away from you

Like giving up smoking.

My addiction overwhelms me

I wanna give in to you.

My world spins out of control

I stand still while the earth hurtles below my feet.

Rushing through a torrent of emotion, over the falls of passion

to be dashed against the rocks of desire below.

The stars are like daggers in my eyes

when I look up to the sky.

The moon is so cold, like a frozen heart.

The falling stars, tears from my eyes.

I want ro press my lips against yours

and hold you in my arms tonight.

How can I break this spell you have me under?

We called it quits

but you still call me.

What spell did  I put you under?