a spark flies and catches a flame
the wind picks up and carries you away
before anything else your head is buried in shame
“no one is there”, the price you will pay

the life you threw yourself into
to learn what you thought you needed to learn
plans have failed, what are you going to do
the smell of burning flesh and bridges to burn

youve taken everything they had to give
and dive back into your hole and hide in shame
far worse than any dream now you live
everything youve given to play your game

Foggy broken glass scattered throughout
and nothing to share
blistered thumbs the route leads to hell no dought
you start to wonder is this “to much to bear”

Youve driven everybody away. They dont care anymore what happens to you. What have you done?
You just wanted to see where it would lead, what kind of lessons could you learn. Your kite is coming down,
crashing down to never fly again. What did you think, gravity wouldnt put you in check? Im going to come
for you, slam you down for all the people youve hurt. Im angry and Im coming!!

With all my fury i come at you with love. To pick you up dust you off and point you in the correct direction, but the choice remains your own. I’m giving you my hand the choice is yours shall you take it… or not.

“Teach the world to pray, for i now know what it means to” – this quote was the last words of a major war crime criminal, one of the leaders of the internment camp in northern Germany. Before he hung he uttered these words to his wife for his kids. It reminds me how lucky I am to have something to believe in, (shaking my head) wheather it be 100% true or not it doesnt matter, faith fills all the holes in. The gift of Hope is our most valuable asset. How truely dark and lonely can a life be without it. (laughs) That is somewhere even I dont want to test. The TRUE PURE Hell is not a joke, its more than what you thought you may have been through. Dont let what you have allready seen in your life replace somewhere that is infinatly worse! Please.

Ben Kiesov

its really cool to see ther younger generation, to my own, writing with passion. It seems that today with all the things going on to influence younger people it doesnt deter them from writing good peices. This really makes me happy. Gives me hope that they’re people still out there with thier eyes open and not influenced by tv, friends ect. Not following the mainstream example and forging your own path is a charactoristic that i really admire and respect, especially in younger people (17-23 years of age). Beacause especially younger people are more influencable, just because of thier age and in-experiece to life’s lessons (this doesnt apply to all younger people just a large majority) My point is, is that its nice to see younger people than myself expressing themselves in a way that alot of others may not understand and even making themselves volnerable to express how they feel and portray in words how they feel. Being that it may alot of people may not have the capability to understand alot of our writings for those who do the words are powerfull and inspiring. Who knows one of our writings could stick in thier head and very possibly save someones life by writing how they feel and inspiring others to do the same. Who knows where i would be if i never tried writing my feelings, i could honestly say i wouldnt be as strong (mentally) as i am today. Just being able to express in a way that isnt destructive is worth an unimaginable sum. Much obliged for writing, all of you.

Nyalic

Sun Rising: “On a path not yet taken, striving toward a trek for a Land never seen. Inside myself constant battles tally the weak and strong. A world all to the unknown seeking The Light to shed the answers. Joys that can only be felt in my own head and hardships to match. A trek i see myself on and look back and can only smile.
Beautiful visions acompany me but with them the coldest of Hells. A struggle always within myself. But as you glance to see me behind you keep a good eye, the back of my head and the sunset in your eye you’ll come to see” I said.
(Notes) eager to fight, learning new, challenging the laws that make the world.

Sun Overhead: “Dividing my attention between two worlds. Most times mine is better than the one we all live in. Floating between the two worlds. Not paying much attention to what is going on.” Im saying.
(Notes)tired of fighting, but want to find something I’ve never had.

Sunset: (Notes) through fighting, I have the feeling I was searching for. I’ve made my decision where I want to stay.

“The ringing of the division bell” – Pink Floyd

The uncertainty has me terrified.
Eyes of the world keep me inadequate and scrutinized.
A place I don’t think I can survive.
I must make home where I am afraid and others don’t understand,
the more I try to help realize, the more I sink in the sand.
Setting camp on what is known as the Cursed Land.
My hands are reaching for the tools that every man must obtain,
But held back by the sickness that i cannot explain.
Doomed to a life, a place, from where i may not return.
Waving my arms but raises no concern.
A life of misery i have to live and learn.

All my plants are dead now, leaving a crimson shadow of ther once briliance.
My wilted, once beautiful, roses as dry as dust.
What is happening here…
Why wont the sun shine like it used to?
No clear light to feed them, no water to quinch thier dying thurst.
Everyone is gone.
In This Place visitors are the demonic ghosts of my dearest friends and the darkness thats never left unfelt.
Starving of an appetite i can never fill, Here, my thurst can never be satisfied.
Forever is Here, in This Place is Hell.

No one can come with me to where I must go. A place black as coal and cold as ice. To wrap my mind in anxiety and sorrow. And to leave this place full of stimulation and reaction. To a cocoon custom made for me. When the mind gets no better and no worse.

Sacrifice all happiness for no more pain. Sacrifice yourself to feel a little numb. Take on every worry and every sad thought. Remember every painful memory all at once. And slip away into the darkness where you can’t be seen. You can’t be seen and you can’t be touched. The world doesn’t exist and you choose not to acknowledge.

All the pain can’t match the joy I allow myself to feel. Stored all inside the actions I worshiped are killing me now. So different inside the show I portray out. The way my heart feels is the exact opposite to the face you remember. I’m hurting more than myself by feeling this way. So goodbye for now to a journey that begins far, far away.

~ May, 2007

Something tells me there’s something wrong in my life. When I have images of standing in blood with my favorite knife. When the sun never rises to offer a new day. With hidden thoughts that I dare not to say. When I wake up and I don’t care to rise from bed. Would the world worsen if I were dead?

Because I have nothing to share for ALL my pain. I have nothing to give to all those who depend on me. I reform to act out the thoughts that race through my brain. When I could swear I had wings to fly away with to be free.

I thought I could take any quest that came my way. Now my defense is so shattered, at any chance I run away. I say that my wall is too damn tall to climb. But demons influence evil through me all the time. Then again happiness doesn’t come from just who you may be. Take a chance, make a risk, you’ll find out, you will see.

~ Summer, 2007

I was going through my notebook and seen that this writing is a year old almost to the day of which i was reading. I like to date a lot of my things, drawings and the such, any kind of art to see how much i progress.

Valentines 2009
“For some time ive felt something inside of me, something that we all may feel. The true road to being happy and the road to peach within myself. I’ve been searching and searching for this … and have come close to figuring what i must do.
It doesn’t suprise me that it scares me, as most people’s destiny is not easy to obtain. But its definetly something i must do. I feel it in my heart, and it yearns everyday i put it off. For so long Ive been not happy in my soul and have tried over and over to manover my way around it but there is only one path that will take me where i belong and am seeking the guts to start my travels. I feel im very close to starting this trek and am preparing myself mentally for the inevitable road i must face. I feel that i at least know where i must begin, because i think that a lot of people live thier lives through, searching and searching and never finding their way. That is why I must do this, I will regret it for the rest of my life and never obtain the happiness i can only see in my dreams.”

Feb. 13 2010
When I look back apon this I see that I had already started my travels way before I wrote this. This road is a very long one that I think I started a few years before I wrote that. When I lived in Mt. Vernon I let go, and let the chips fall where they may. The way I am today has roots that begins there. Everything seemed harder. It seemed that for every good thing 10 bad things HAD to happen, it was just the way it all worked. You start to search for the bad things in life. This is what my personal Hell is. You’re constantly falling and you don’t know it. You’re dead and you don’t know it. “The real Hell is your life gone wrong.” My way of thinking was very twisted, and needed help to see where I was and learn how to help myself crawl out of the cave I lived in. Easily one of the most important lessons of my life is to see outside myself, to look in, and see the problems that I exibit and and try to change them or live peacefully among them. Living in peace is everything for me, everything else is secondary.

Its time to enjoy, embark in the new,
with actions of love and craze.
No thoughts to second guess what we do,
of loving life in these days.

Pushing away the vibes that hold us down,
free your hands and let grow,
to witness the beauty that’s all around,
and let it through you forever flow.

Nyalic

Afraid

What do you think when youre alone in the dark
of no more sunny days and picnics in in the park?
I can feel you fading, into the hole where i used to be
I didnt do enough when the signs I could see
I know where youre going and its going to hurt
It scares me to think where you are and how youll feel
You arent there anymore, you eyes are empty
Your mind is black and you might not be back
Every thought is up to you.
You will choose to live or die,
in the coldest and blackest place in your mind
You will be challenged in every way
You will have to fight every single day
Im so sorry that i cant be there with you
Im so sorry that you have to feel the hell that you do
Please fight i promise it will get better
Please dont give up