Blind and Numb
Posted by NyalicFeb 15
No one can come with me to where I must go. A place black as coal and cold as ice. To wrap my mind in anxiety and sorrow. And to leave this place full of stimulation and reaction. To a cocoon custom made for me. When the mind gets no better and no worse.
Sacrifice all happiness for no more pain. Sacrifice yourself to feel a little numb. Take on every worry and every sad thought. Remember every painful memory all at once. And slip away into the darkness where you can’t be seen. You can’t be seen and you can’t be touched. The world doesn’t exist and you choose not to acknowledge.
All the pain can’t match the joy I allow myself to feel. Stored all inside the actions I worshiped are killing me now. So different inside the show I portray out. The way my heart feels is the exact opposite to the face you remember. I’m hurting more than myself by feeling this way. So goodbye for now to a journey that begins far, far away.
~ May, 2007
One comment
Comment by Charles on February 16, 2010 at 8:30 AM
I remember this particular time rather well.
I know that there was some soul searching going on around the time this was written and you highlight some of the methods here. The roller-coaster can make you feel numb, but it’s our reaction to it that forces both blindness and numbness to feel permanent. That is, if we don’t watch our attitudes. I am reminded of a paragraph from Charles Swindol that I keep on my wall here at work titled “Attitude”. It makes a world of difference.
The last two sentences show that you made a decision not to let the above course of action permanently guide you. I see it as a way to push back from the numbness and seek out another way.