Chapter 9
I feel the rain starting to approach. It always come when you dont expect it, and when you
believe that it finally may pass. The ground will begin to shake, spliting the earth benith you
feet. And you will fall. This is how it will happen every single time. You just have to prepare
as much as you can when the sun is out.
Im wondering now about all these things ive learned in the past several months. It is the idea
that im beings built up to only being knocked back down. C’est la vie? I hope not. This idea
depresses me and makes me stagnant. And once again im faced with the question that ive
never been able to answer.
This hurts my heart and crushes my spirit. Why does this happen? Am i blind or do i see to
much? Im tired of this feeling. When you try to let go, the poison will turn your mind to black.
I feel a strange but familiar feeling coming over me. That staring at the patterns on the wall
feeling. Numb. This is today, im affraid.
Dark Side Of The Soul (2001)
In an endless bliss of confusion and grief
Voices bicker i cant find my relief
A dizzy haze overwhelms my sight
I lower my chin and gather my fright
These voices these sounds that chill my skin
A blast of insanity i raise my grin
STOP TALKIN STOP TALKING i shout with rage
All goes dark and i wake in a cage
Strapped to a board i find myself
And a man to question my mental health
I HATE YOU I HATE YOU i say in my mind
His mouth begins to chater and my teeth begin to grind
Take me away my angel of light
Take me away protect me through the night
But in my mind i know you arnt there
Even to my angel im just a scare
The pity i can prove that sets me off
I could cut her throat and shake it off
Were not friends not anymore
A smile only left and revenge in store
Look in my eyes and youll see the sad
Thoughts forced a smile from the frown i had
So angry i quiver so mad i shake
Lets bottle this misery and see what i make
I HATE THIS I HATE THIS i want to scream
To the top of my lungs to show what i mean
“i cant cry” im allready dead
“take me away” as i hang my head
Empty empty is the heart of mine
Only God can help me save me this time
Im tired of living this life of pain
I torture myself to grow insane
I cant love and think to much
I gind my teeth and numb to the touch
Because its love that makes the heart feel
And im empty inside cold as steel
Love care and feeling i always run
Thinking back so much pain it makes me numb
Will not reveal will not share
Life is shitty and love isnt fair
So no more pity and not more light
As i take on my mind in an endless fight
My future is grim i can see
Thats what i choose thats for me
You now see me for what i really am
To the love you offered and still i ran
All alone and torturing another soul
The sin of all sins has taken its toll
The tears that are bottled masking the pain
To the love of that person her only gain
“whats so wrong with me” she sais in screams
But her mouth stays shut and lives it in her dreams
“suck it up be a man” he sais
“and allow to love like the good Lord sais”
Or forever you mind will prevent all love
A feeling youve never felt it had to of come from above
“im sorry im sorry” but this is just me
thats my life its what i choose its for me
Then the feeling of love will never overcome your soul
That pity in your heart will grow to an endless hole
“your right your right the insane man will go”
ill be back after she sais no