Chapter 5
The toll of these questions are haunting me. Just the questions themselves. Overwhelming. Is
this a kind of wake-up call? Its hurts enough allready just thinking about it, then follows me in
my dreams. Pushing me and teasing me of something that is out of reach is killing me. Its very
hard to change almost everything youve learned the way you feel inside to actually make your
life better. And when it does it feels so alien you walk back into the darkness because your
heart races and you begin to shake. Just talking about it seriously is enough to make me feel
uneasy. Affraid of change, even if its for the better, and yet it is what i seek.
I have to take control of my mind. These flashes of evil images, im affriad, are getting stronger.
Its like a battle always fighting myself inside to do the right thing. Pulling myself back from
spacing out. These feelings arnt overnight. They are cultivated for many years and your mind
turns very slowly. So to turn it back will take the same amount of time. Kind of un-doing it all.
A state of mind takes over and thers is no thinking about anything and before you know it…
The rain is all you can hear and your eyes wont move
your mind fades to black and everything shuts down.
until you pull yourself back into this world
you live on another.
(1999)Hate
a loser to what her life has shown
seing no purpose, the only words to her groan
always a smile masks her face
voices crush her spirit and sorrow filled her days
opinions of none… her head in shame
feeling of seclusion, her heart recognized the pain
the one deprived, the feeling of gain
her feelings and craves covered
she laughs as her needs were smothered
apon a new light vengence marked the soul
darkness swallowed her mind and hate took its toll
crimson flesh throbing in hand’s of Smiles
a blade of pain and blood in the isles
enemies of pity met with she, fueled enigma
alone in her corner of the dark prison to her mind
left behind by love her purpose she must find
no more smiles and numb to the touch
the feeling of love she craved so much
the top of the sky she climbed so hard and found
to end with death when she finally hit the ground.
What do i have to do to make them take me seriously?
A fork in the road ahead, choose wisely, you can never go back.