Chapter 4
Ive been doing good actually for the past couple days, after a horrible day. Waking up every day
with the realization that there really is nothing to get up for. That probobly sounds like a comment
that deserves “well get your ass out and stop being a chicken shit”. But is harder than that. Its
so much easier to say than to do of course. I call this “taking the plunge”. I go to my grandmothers
house every week to help her with her yard and things and have found it to be very refreshing. I
can remember not 5 months ago not stepping outside the door frame for 2 -3 weeks. I dont like
to get out alot. To many people even in a town of 10k, just going into wall-mart is a bitch. I
suppose i dont want to establish myself in society? My feelings toward that subject are very
stong. i have no confidence in humanity. The idea that the world is going to end in 50 years
influences my life dramaticly. I am allready planning on where i will go and what i will have to
do to survive.

I have a smile on my face right now, because these writings although very… punishing to myself
but at the same time can see what the problems are and can figure ways to correct them. That
is a big part of life and very valuable comodity to see inside yourself and condition yourself for
the better. Its kinda like if someone were to tell you every single problem, especially the ones
that sway your life, are thrown at you all at once.but the outcome over weighs the feelings when
i am writing this series.