Vast Reality

“It’s time to start living the life
you’ve imagined” - Henry James

When was the last time you looked a special person in your life in the eye and knew, right then and there, that you would never forget them? True friendship is timeless. I’ve made and lost friends in this lifetime enough to know what a real friend is. You smile together, laugh together, lie together, and cry together. You fight beside them, and try beside them. You live beside them, and you’ll die beside them. There is no question when a person is found that they’ll never again be lost. Some people need a friend. Some are in a state of desperation that may only be resolved through discovery. What if you made it a point to ensure that the person you loved as a friend or life partner knew this without a shred of a doubt? I’ve seen the importance of timing first hand. I’ve seen the look in a person’s eye when life’s purpose was understood - that gleam that is unmistakeable. You can see the guardian angel’s light shine when your friend is pulled from the wreckage and the first face they see is yours. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve seen people who don’t know true friends. The restless, daunting method of staggering through life that they emplore is saddening. It isn’t necessary, either, and everyone needs someone to show them this at times. The point of this writing is to help uncover something that is already inherent in all of us. Show your friends why you call them friends as often and as thoroughly as you are able. That bond may be the most important bond you possess for the rest of your life.

I’ve come across some videos on You Tube that have done nothing short of blow me away.  These musicians are pure artists, playing guitar, piano, violin, and singing with an essence of grace and perfection that I haven’t seen anywhere else.  The studio is called Candy Rat Studios and they post under the username rpoland. I’ve not seen anything of them on TV.  I don’t believe they belong on TV.  Their music is entrancing, nearly every single one of them.  I personally recommend Andy McKee, Bob Ross, and Andrew White.  I have posted a couple of their videos here.  Follow the links on the YouTube page lists for their other songs.  Comment!

Andy McKee - For My Father

Andrew White - Wild Eagle [Widescreen]

He’ll creep in

As silent as a whisper of wind

You’ll not hear him, as he descends

Into your home without a sound

For he’ll not be leaving

Until what he wants, he’s found

The quiet little thief, no one has known him

For the reason that he belongs to another Kingdom

He has slipped in, and he’ll gently fade out

He’ll have his prize without doubt.

Taking the goods back to his love so precious

Receiving that smile that had seemed so infectious

Even knowing deep within

That stealing is his great Sin

He’ll not give it a second thought

For he now has her love

For which he has longingly fought.

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2001

What just happened?

I didn’t mean to fall so hard

It wasn’t intentional

I didn’t mean to let you in so far

I don’t know that I could be caught from this fall.

Because, when you look at me

Everything else in this world disappears.

When you speak to me

My worries fade away, my regrets dissipate

And I know that you’re becoming my Everything.

But how can I keep this from going

Where I know that it is headed

When I don’t desire for it to slow down

Let alone be ended.

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March 2009

Once, I saw myself standing

Unafraid, nerves of steel.

Expressing all emotion through song

The gift of music, willing

Even lulling others into my world

Yearning, urging you, encouraging

For all to be in ultimate understanding.

On this platform, LIFE

Seeing through joy, feeling

Through hurt, growing through maturity, necessity

As though through no other way

I am existent

Now pending, my dreams of standing

Are changing, maybe evolving

As steps of living are tripped on

Fallen upon

And finally climbed.

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2007

Dear God,

What and where will my life lead?  What will my life ultimately even matter?  Is life just a test to challenge you, to see if you have the guts to prevail over evil stimuli?  I don’t know.  I feel that life is more important than to follow the path of the one in front of you.  To follow the path that will lead to success, but won’t have tested the full boundaries of human will.  What is it that I so search for to accomplish in my life.  Either my will is too important to waste following the average path, or it doesn’t mean anything at all.  I have an uncontrollable urge to see what is out there, to feel what can hurt a human soul the most, and to look pure evil straight in the eye, laugh and say, “You have no idea.”  I want to go to hell and come back.  I want to explain to those who have no idea what pain is, that there is another world out there that has been hiding from you all.  For me, my life is not the ultimate sacrifice, it is not to expose, not to trap the unknown of the human mind.  I want you to test me with the ultimate test of pain.  I want my life to mean something.  I don’t want to waste all that I have been through for nothing.  I don’t want everything that I’ve given up to mean nothing.

Is it really what you want of me?  Is this really what you want me to do?  Or, am I really just crazy?  Or, is it all just a riddle that will take me to the end of my to solve.  Is it love that you want me to feel, is it myself that you want me to overcome?  Do you want to see me break down, do you want me to just give it all up and cry?  What do you want me to sacrifice to show you how serious I am?  I can be your ultimate tool.  I can be anything you want me to be.  Just show me what you want me to do.

And when it is all over, are you just going to look at me and say, “You think too much.  All you ever had to do is what you wanted.”  But, I don’t know what I want.  All I know now is that something amazing has to come of all of this, something never, ever seen before, and I’ll to anything for it.  I’m just looking for someone or something to give all of this to.  I realize my selfish ways, sharing my pain, giving my thoughts to someone that I have to let go.  I just wanted him to understand and to not feel that he had to make everything right - to feel like he had fix everything.  What do you want from me?  It can all start now.

Love, Benjamin Lee Kiesov

So my design finger was itching this afternoon so I sat down for a few hours and compiled a new background for the theme that we were using to give the site an updated personality.  I’d like to get everyone’s opinions on it so just comment on this post and I’ll make the modifications as I have time.

I do plan on slowly tweaking the rest of the aspects on the site (ie: font type, font size, colors, logos, footer, etc…).  Right now I’d like to just concentrate on the background.

Here was my source of Inspiration.

Other areas of updates:

• Favicon
• Comments
• Footer
• Header
• Sidebar

Areas of comments / concerns:

• Background not dark enough - I have modified this to be darker, please let me know what you think of the new color and if it makes the text on the first post any easier to read.

Thanks in advance for the comments.

Its been awhile since ive been able to actually write in person on the site. I miss it and glad to see that people are really active. Ive still been writing slowly but have no internet access. I am trying to piece together a longer than average writing for my style. I am really pleased with it so far and have exciting (for me) plans for it. I dont have a tittle for it yet, still searching.

The midnight mist brings here the bagpipe’s song
among many to guide the light to an always returning sun
lonely, black, dark, and cold doesnt bring the same meaning now
not used cautiously and casually spoken
not given they full respect they deserve
Those to indulge their pain, those who find themselves in the shadow of darkness make way to the great lakes of fire, teased and tormented by the memory of love only found in the arms of angels.

The somber songs follows until your new soul is born. Here the strong wind, a broken record, always with you to remind of the Hell that consumes your heart and the peace thats never been found. The Wind, here the Wind is the only you can trust. The Wind will tell you where you are and where you could be and where your not.
“Great and powerful wind can you show me what its like? The soft touch of love. Bring me a dream of love that has no end. Tease me of what ive never had. Torment me with the dream i fight so hard to gain.”

Her name was Sarah. Its always “Sarah”. Clenching my hand, it feels as if a dark room is lit up for the first time. The feeling of warmth is always with me but the details seem to fade away Here. Not like they used to. The Wind, my blessing and my curse, the bringer of light and darkness.

I cannot set still,

Surely there must be a way,

Something I can do,

To ease my mind of the

Ever flowing thoughts, haunted by you.

Never ceasing,

Your face, steady and strong

Is seemingly imprinted on the inside of my eyes

Whenever they are closed I stare into your soul,

Now I must cover my own sobbing cries.

Finally it becomes apparent

I am wishing only for goodbyes.

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Written in 2003

To watch people

Simply to look at them

To witness as insecurities

Become arrogance

When fear transforms into anger

Eventually that which was order becomes basic chaos

How is it that a species

Once created in such perfection

Intended for reigning supremacy

Has somehow now resulted in

Absolute and constant conflict in diversity.

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